desperate2x07
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
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FADE IN.
INT. DARK ROOM - DAY
BIRD'S EYE VIEW of TONY laid out on a leather couch in a room
with just a few thin streaks of sunlight illuminating it.
PULL AWAY to show another man, the PSYCHIATRIST holding a
note pad and pen sitting in a recliner near by.
TONY
I thought I was over her. Then
Latham moved in and... I don't
know. I was wrong.
PSYCHIATRIST
(writing it all down)
Mmm hmm. Continue.
TONY
She was, well, I'm not going to be
daft and say we were soulmates or
anything, but...
The man waits for Tony to finish. When he doesn't:
PSYCHIATRIST
But what, Mr. Black?
TONY
(dejected)
She was special. The first girl I
met here that never violated my
commandments.
PSYCHIATRIST
Your... what?
NORMAL SCENE.
TONY
The ten Yank Girl Commandments I
set when I first moved here. Thou
shalt love Alias. Thou shalt not
consider Voyager as part of Star
Trek canon. Thou shalt not use the
word 'soccer' in my presence. Thou-
PSYCHIATRIST
(cutting in)
Mr. Black, I've noticed you haven't
actually said her name.
Tony takes a moment to consider that.
TONY
I know. It hurts too much to say.
The psychiatrist smiles and leans forward in his seat.
PSYCHIATRIST
Well, Mr. Black, what would you say
to a little bit of off-the-cuff
treatment?
TONY
What did you have in mind?
PSYCHIATRIST
Hypnotic suggestion.
CLOSE UP on Tony's face as he frowns.
TONY
Uh, I don't know. Even if I
believed in that stuff, I don't
think you're the one to try it on
it since you're not-
He stops mid sentence and his eyes narrow as a POCKET WATCH
drops in front of his face, hanging from a chain.
The psychiatrist swings it side to side like a pendulum.
PSYCHIATRIST (O.S.)
Mr. Black?
TONY
(spaced out)
Yes?
PSYCHIATRIST (O.S.)
What is the name of this girl
you've been struggling to forget
about?
TONY
Stacy.
PSYCHIATRIST (O.S.)
Stacy. Alright. Mr. Black, from now
until the next time you have sex
with another woman, every time you
hear the name-
(while coughing)
- Stacy-
(stops; clears his throat)
- you will immediately slap the
nearest person. Do you understand?
TONY
Yes.
PULL AWAY from Tony's face as the psychiatrist stops swinging
the watch and glances at it.
PSYCHIATRIST
Ah, damn it.
He walks out of frame. A few seconds later, more sunlight is
let into the room. Then the lights come on.
The psychiatrist comes back in and snaps his finger in front
of Tony's face. Tony blinks and comes to.
ZOOM OUT to get a full view of the room they're in.
It's a FURNITURE STORE.
PSYCHIATRIST
So, Mr. Black, did you see anything
you like?
Tony stretches and shakes his head.
TONY
Beg your pardon?
PSYCHIATRIST
You were here for a coffee table
before we got to talking. See
anything you like?
Tony looks around, as if he just remembered that.
TONY
Oh, right. Uhm...
(points off screen)
How much for that one?
The psychiatrist walks over to the front door of the store
and flips a sign from 'Out To Lunch' to 'Open.'
INT. COFFEE HOUSE - DAY
ARCADIO is sitting alone at a large circular table looking
uncharacteristically nervous. He takes a break from anxiously
twiddling his thumbs to check his watch.
MIRANDA comes into frame and sits down across from him.
Arcadio's face lights up, despite that thumb twiddling
getting more vigorous.
ARCADIO
Hey! You made it.
MIRANDA
Against my better judgment.
The corner of Arcadio's mouth twitches, but he manages to
keep his smile. He glances at and shuts off his ringing
phone.
Miranda raises an eyebrow.
MIRANDA
Is that her?
ARCADIO
(caught)
What? No, that's... Tony. No doubt
to piss and moan about something.
MIRANDA
You're a shitty liar, you know
that? Is that why you just didn't
say anything about this girl you
knocked up?
ARCADIO
(changing the subject)
How about some coffee? You want
some coffee? Maybe a chai tea
latte?
Miranda sighs and crosses her arms. Arcadio grins and nods
his head a little too enthusiastically.
He gets up to leave just as AMY, wearing a modest sun dress
with her hair up in a bun, drops a massive stack of papers on
the table.
ARCADIO
(surprised)
Amy! I thought you were off in the
woods praying for rain.
Amy rolls her eyes and scoffs.
AMY
Unfortunately, we ran out of deer
to sacrifice.
Amy turns and extends her hand to Miranda while taking a seat
and setting her oversized purse down.
AMY
Hi, I'm Amy Rees.
Miranda stares directly at Amy's stomach. Then she glances
over to Arcadio, who shakes his head.
MIRANDA
(shaking Amy's hand)
Miranda.
ARCADIO
Uhm, Amy, we're in the middle of
something.
MIRANDA
No, we weren't.
Amy starts to split her stack up into smaller piles, not
noticing Arcadio silently pleading for mercy with Miranda,
who holds firm. He eventually scowls and sits back down.
AMY
(blissfully unaware)
Mr. Gentile came back when he heard
Paul resigned, so now I'm subbing
for Paul's classes. Convenient that
he leaves the week a major paper
was due.
Amy pulls a carton of cigarettes from her bag and takes out a
fresh pack. She lights one up, earning another frown from
Arcadio.
ARCADIO
When you'd move to cigarettes?
AMY
It's just for my nerves. Before and
after meals, showers, between
classes, a couple before bed, when
I'm grading papers, cooking dinner.
So how's the new place?
Arcadio and Miranda swap bewildered looks as Amy inhales
nearly half of the cigarette in one pull.
ARCADIO
(bitter)
Fine. Great. I think I'll get that
coffee now.
CHAKIRA sits down in the last open chair at the table and
sets down a holder with four fresh cups of coffee.
CHAKIRA
(distributing the coffee)
Way ahead of you, hazelnut. You
still take that in your coffee,
right?
ARCADIO
(blinks)
I never told you-
CHAKIRA
Please, don't ask. My sources only
speak on the condition of
anonymity.
Arcadio buries his hands in his face and sighs.
MIRANDA
So... Paul resigned? New place? I
guess I've been out of the loop.
Sounds like a pretty eventful trip.
CHAKIRA
(to Arcadio)
Speaking of which, I've got some of
Paul's novels at my place. Be a
doll and swing by to pick them up.
I don't have his new address up in
moose country.
ARCADIO
Don't know how since you seem to
know everything else.
MIRANDA
Moose... wait, Paul's not here?
Chakira hands Miranda a cup of coffee. Miranda glances down
at the coffee, then back up at Chakira.
CHAKIRA
Chai tea latte. I overheard.
Anyhoo, yeah, Paul ditched us to
patch things up with Mommy dearest.
Which brings me to my next point...
(to Arcadio)
Still in the market for a new
roomie?
ARCADIO
I... well, we-
CHAKIRA
'Cause I'm only paying month to
month, so consider me on sale.
Deer. In. Headlights.
CHAKIRA
Oh come on, it'd be like Paul never
left!
ARCADIO
Huh? You two are nothing alike!
CHAKIRA
He likes big beefy men. So do I.
What else do you want?
ARCADIO
I... yeah, that's not a good idea.
AMY
Why not?
MIRANDA
Yeah, why not?
CHAKIRA
It's a black thing, isn't it?
Arcadio opens his mouth to respond to Amy and Miranda before
he stops and actually processes Chakira's query.
ARCADIO
(turning to Chakira)
What?!? I live with Mike. That's
not it at all.
MIRANDA
Then what is it, Arcadio?
Arcadio gives Miranda a withering look. She responds with a
smug grin, clearly enjoying his squirming.
MIRANDA
Is it because your friend here is a
girl? Can't handle living with one?
ARCADIO
No, it's not that. I... well,
it's... I mean...
you don't want to live with a bunch
of guys. I mean, what if we walk
around naked?
CHAKIRA
(sizes Arcadio up; grins)
This is supposed to dissuade me?
ARCADIO
What if Tony walks around naked?
Chakira's grin drops.
CHAKIRA
You got a point there.
ARCADIO
(glances at Amy)
Plus Mike's got a problem leaving
the toilet seat up. You don't want
to deal with that.
Amy coughs under her breath.
AMY
About the only thing he can get up.
MIRANDA
(wry)
Come on, Arc. You've been with over
a dozen women since you moved here,
right? Is having one for a roommate
gonna be that different?
CHAKIRA
Now she's got a point.
MIRANDA
I bet you even slept with someone
when you were up in Canada, huh?
Deer in headlights again. Of a semi-truck. The non-answer
gives Miranda enough to make her conclusion.
MIRANDA
(shaking her head)
Oh, you sunavabitch.
Miranda quickly collects her things and leaves. Arcadio gets
up to go after her and bumps into a frail, male CAFE EMPLOYEE
whom he brushes past without a second thought.
CAFE EMPLOYEE
(to Amy)
Uhm, ma'am. We don't allow smoking
in here.
Amy frowns and flicks her cigarette butt out of frame. The
employee nods and saunters off.
Arcadio returns a moment later.
CHAKIRA
So... about that open spot in your
place?
Arcadio pinches his nose and takes a sip of his coffee.
Half a second later, he SPITS out a cigarette butt.
INT. THE LOFT - TONY'S ROOM - MORNING
Tony's sleeping on his side, SNORING loudly with a hint of
DROOL oozing out the side of his mouth.
The booming opening to Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' snaps him
back to consciousness. He awakes with a jolt.
TONY
(groans)
Oh, what the hell is this?
INT. THE LOFT - LIVING ROOM - NEXT
Tony's panel door slides open and he sticks his head out.
Chakira is in the kitchen cooking an omelet while dancing in
rhythm to the song.
TONY
Uhm... hello?
CHAKIRA
(waves)
Hey, roomie! Rise and shine!
TONY
Rise and-?
Tony ducks his head back in his room and comes back out
holding his cell phone.
TONY
It's 6am, woman!
(beat)
What do you mean, roomie?
CHAKIRA
Arc woke me up when he came in from
work a couple hours ago.
TONY
(irate)
Roomie?!?
CHAKIRA
(singing along)
'Cause this is Thriller! WHOO HOO!
Thriller night!
Arcadio SLIDES out of the bathroom, dripping wet and only
wearing a towel.
HE STRIKES A POSE!
ARCADIO
(also singing)
There ain't no second chance
against the thing with forty eyes!
They continue singing as Tony climbs down his ladder and
quickly crosses the room to shut the radio off.
Chakira and Arcadio frown when the fun stops.
TONY
Okay, let's take this from the top.
Chakira and Arcadio share a look. They both shrug.
CHAKIRA
(singing a capella)
Its close to midnight...
ARCADIO
(continuing the verse)
... and something evil's lurking-
TONY
(shakes his fists)
I don't mean like that! What is she
doing here?
Arcadio blinks.
ARCADIO
("duh")
Singing and cooking breakfast.
Tony's brow furrows.
TONY
It's too early for this. I need
coffee.
He goes to the coffee maker, the carafe already full of
steaming hot coffee, and starts to pour himself a cup.
MIKE comes in, wearing workout clothes and an iPod that he's
bobbing his head along to. He joins Tony at the coffee maker.
Tony, carrying a mug of coffee, walks over to Arcadio and
grabs him by his arm, leading him over to the bay window at
the back of the loft.
TONY
Tell me you didn't say she could
move in.
ARCADIO
Not so much in those words. More
like "here's a key. I'm leaving for
work."
Tony leans forward and sniffs the air between them.
TONY
Are you drunk?
ARCADIO
No! I haven't drank since... I got
in the shower a little while ago.
Tony takes a sip of his coffee and winces instantly.
TONY
Ugh!
(out loud)
What is this? Tar?
CHAKIRA
No, no, see baby, that's black folk
coffee. Double the punch. You
wouldn't understand.
TONY
It tastes like... chalk.
Mike, who is still grooving to his music, cuts in.
MIKE
(elated)
Mmm, now this is fucking coffee!
He takes his headphones off.
MIKE
(to Chakira)
It could only be you.
They share a smile.
Tony shakes his head in disgust and turns his attention back
to Arcadio.
RACK FOCUS to the two of them, blurring out Mike and Chakira
in the background.
ARCADIO
What? Mike's all moping around
since Paul's gone and throwing
people out of windows when he's
not. You're... you. I've got some
stuff going on, hence the drowning
of the sorrows and I don't wanna
come home and be more depressed by
you two sods. 'Sides, the place
needs a more color.
(beat)
No pun intended.
TONY
Arc... really though? A girl?
ARCADIO
Look, I sort of got trapped into
it, okay? Same agreement though.
One month.
Tony sighs and nods.
TONY
Fine. I guess a touch more life
around the flat wouldn't hurt.
Arcadio walks away as we FOCUS on Mike and Chakira again.
They've both got STRAWS in the coffee pot and are just about
finished draining it between the two of them.
EXT. LITTLE MAGIANNO'S ITALIAN EATERY - DAY
Establishing shot of a modest Italian restaurant built into a
shopping center.
INT. LITTLE MAGIANNO'S - BAR - DAY
Mike, wearing a white button shirt, black vest, slacks, and a
bow tie, strains a martini into a chilled glass and passes it
to a customer, who hands him a credit card.
CUSTOMER
Thanks, MJ.
Mike nods and enters a tab into the computer using the credit
card.
On the television above his head, a Boston Red Sox batter
hits a homerun off a New York Yankees pitcher.
CUSTOMER
Aww, dammit. Hundred million dollar
contract and that bum can't get any
Ks past the fourth.
MIKE
He ain't your problem, it's your
whole bullpen.
CUSTOMER
How do you figure?
Another customer at the end of the bar scoots closer to the
conversation.
MIKE
Man, when your relievers are in
double digit ERAs, it don't matter
who your starters are. I grew up
watching the Indians. Trust me, I
know about mediocre pitching.
CUSTOMER
I guess you got a point there.
MIKE
Plus ain't nobody in your lineup
batting worth a damn. How many fly
balls have you guys been popping
out when they should've landed
foul? Your damn batting coach needs
to teach these guys to start place
hitting better.
CUSTOMER
That's true. Sox are weak in mid
right and we can't get a ball there
for shit.
Mike smiles and moves to the second customer.
MIKE
Need another beer, sir?
CUSTOMER 2
No, you can cash me out. You seem
to know a lot about baseball. You
play?
MIKE
No, sir. Just grew up a sports fan.
I follow 'em all.
CUSTOMER 2
Even tennis? Golf?
Mike laughs to himself as he takes the customer's empty beer
mug and drops his check.
MIKE
No, I said sports. Anything where
the crowd's told to be quiet while
the action's happening and politely
applaud after ain't no sport.
They share a small laugh.
CUSTOMER 2
You ever write at all, kid?
MIKE
Just amateur stuff. Didn't go to
school for it, so I can't really
break into the biz. Moved out here
hoping to get lucky.
The customer nods and hands Mike a small business card.
CUSTOMER 2
Give me a call when you get some
free time.
He drops a fifty dollar bill on the bar and leaves. Mike
reads over the card and smirks.
EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY
Looking at the bay window of the boys' loft.
TILT DOWN to LASSITER'S, the bar below the loft on the first
floor.
As this is happening, we TIME LAPSE to night and a large
crowd of people FADE into the shot.
INT. LASSITER'S - NIGHT
Amy's at a pool table, leaning down with a pool cue lined up
for a shot and a cigar in her mouth.
She stands up again and scribbles what looks to be a
complicated mathematical formula on a palm-sized note pad.
She pauses to think, tapping her pen on the note pad before
her face lights up and she scribbles the rest of the formula.
She lines up again and takes her shot.
CUT TO A BIRD'S EYE VIEW as the cue ball curls around a
solid, bounces off two walls, goes between two more solids,
hits another wall, and pops the 8 ball from behind, knocking
it into a faraway corner pocket.
NORMAL SCENE
Amy grins and holds out her hand as a guy holding another
cue, her opponent, slaps a wad of cash into it with a
grumble.
PAN RIGHT to Chakira sitting on the bar with a crowd of
people around her. She's moving to the music and draining a
tall glass of beer.
PAN RIGHT again to Mike, Tony, and Arcadio sitting at a table
off in the corner.
ARCADIO
Do you think the teachers we had
when we were younger were this...
different outside of school?
TONY
I dunno, but there's more than a
few I wouldn't have minded a night
on the town with.
Mike rests his chin on his head and sighs.
MIKE
(whimsical)
Miss Fourman. Eleventh grade trig.
TONY
Miss Stark. Sixth form history.
ARCADIO
Miss Chapel. First year of primary.
Mike and Tony turn to Arcadio.
TONY
First year of primary?
MIKE
Ain't that like kindergarten?
ARCADIO
Oh trust me, the way she used to
wink when she gave me my alphabet
blocks to play with?
(nods; grins)
She wanted me.
MIKE
(blinks)
You were fucking five!
Arcadio shrugs and drains the rest of his beer.
ARCADIO
Some are late bloomers. Some ripen
early.
TONY
(beat)
You're a sick sick man.
They sit in silence for a moment. Tony looks around and his
eyes fall on a slender, gorgeous brunette standing at the
bar.
TONY
Excuse me, I think I just spotted
my future first ex-wife.
Tony gets up, takes a deep breath, and heads towards the
future ex-Mrs. Black.
MIKE
(to Arcadio)
So what's up with you and Miranda
or are you still not talking about
that?
Arcadio feigns ignorance in his expression, but Mike rolls
his eyes.
MIKE
Come on, yo. I ain't so much as
heard you mention her name since
Canada.
ARCADIO
You ready for another beer? I'll
get you one.
Arcadio gets up from the table. Mike grabs his wrist to stop
him.
MIKE
You're feeling guilty because of
whatever went down with that tour
guide?
ARCADIO
Why would I feel guilty? Not like
Miranda was anything serious.
Mike gives him a "get real" look.
ARCADIO
Seriously, nothing's going on. I
just got bored with her. Time to
move on. How about that beer?
Arcadio pulls his wrist free and walks away just as Amy
giddily bounces over, either high on life or the obscene
amount of MONEY she's carrying.
Mike starts looking elsewhere. Anywhere but at her.
AMY
I can't believe you guys don't hang
out down here more often! This
place is great.
MIKE
(re: Amy's money)
Nice haul.
AMY
Game's simple physics. I could do
it in my sleep.
She splits off some of her earnings and sets it on the table
in front of Mike.
AMY
This is for you.
Mike glances down at the cash and his eyes widen.
MIKE
Huh? For me?
AMY
For the caravan mishap. I really
did feel bad about that. It's not
all of the fifteen hundred though.
Just a start.
Mike looks down at the money again, then back to Amy.
MIKE
(smiling)
This is... pretty cool of you.
Amy sits down in Arcadio's spot.
AMY
Yeah, well, you coming up short in
that instance was my fault, so at
least I could you there. Hey, maybe
you could use the money to avoid
coming up short in-
MIKE
Hey! Damn, I take it all back. You
ain't gonna let that go, are you?
AMY
If things were reversed and I was
the dead head in bed, tell me you
and your boys wouldn't be having
heaps of fun with me.
Mike opens his mouth to respond.
Then shuts it. Fair point.
AMY
Plus isn't a little good-natured
ribbing natural between friends?
MIKE
Yeah, well who said we were
friends?
Amy puts out the butt of her cigar and lights up a cigarette.
AMY
Ouch.
Amy HISSES and makes a claw motion with her hands.
AMY
Aren't we catty tonight?
MIKE
'Cuse me for not wanting to relive
a pretty damn embarrassing evening
in my life every time I see you. It
ain't endearing.
AMY
(bitter)
As drunk as you were, I'm surprised
you remember. How's living with
Chakira going?
MIKE
It's been...
He trails off and the two of them look over to the bar.
PAN LEFT to the bar where Chakira is HOOTING and gyrating on
the bar to the cheers of everyone nearby.
PAN RIGHT back to Mike and Amy.
MIKE
Loud. Very loud. Didn't you say
your lease was up soon? Why didn't
you two move in together?
AMY
Me and Chokkie? I dunno. I like
her, but she's... odd.
Mike raises an eyebrow.
MIKE
She's odd?
TONY AT THE BAR
The bartender sets two glasses of white zinfandel in front of
Tony and his ex-wife-to-be. She picks hers up and starts to
take a sip when:
TONY
(ultra posh accent)
Oh, before you drink, would it be
pretentious of me to propose a
toast?
The girl BLUSHES and nods. Tony picks up his glass and clears
his throat.
TONY
Here's to...
(thinks)
... a long life and a merry one. A
quick death and an easy one.
Tony gazes deep into the girl's eyes and continues:
TONY
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold drink and another one.
(sighs)
For in water, one sees one's own
face, but in wine one beholds the
heart... of another.
They cross arms and sip.
Tony (faux) bashfully grins and looks away.
TONY
I'm sorry. It was over the top I
know. I'm just a traditionalist at
heart, I guess.
The girl sets her glass down and rests her chin on her
forearm.
GIRL
(slightly slurred)
I have no clue what you just said,
but it sounded so nice.
TONY
Well, I can't take credit for that.
Been to more than my fair share of
weddings, so I've kept a few good
ones I've heard in memory.
(sighs)
Someday, at my own wedding, I hope
someone toasts my nuptials just as
eloquently.
GIRL
You want to be married someday?
TONY
More than anything in the world.
Traditionalist, as I said. Some men
might be satisfied with just
gallivanting about, spending every
night in a different bed with a
different woman, but I prefer a
more stable relationship.
(beat)
A quiet night in, spent snogging
with a loved one is more my taste.
I'm only out here tonight because
of the hormone bombs that are my
two roommates.
(winks at the girl)
Though, the night is rapidly
improving.
One could almost see the waves of bullshit emanating from
Tony's pores.
TONY
Forgive my manners, I've not
introduced myself. I'm Anthony J.
Black. My mates call me Tony.
He takes her hand and gently kisses the back of it.
GIRL
I'm Stacy.
ZOOM IN on Tony's face as his eyes widen.
He rears back and SLAPS Stacy as hard as he can, knocking her
to the ground.
The music in the bar abruptly stops.
MIKE AND AMY
Dumbfounded stares from both, ripe with lots of blinking.
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Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.